The Honest Truth Vol 2

What I do with my free/spare time mainly depends on how much energy I have managed to save up during the day. It is a lot easier at the moment while I'm staying with my parents, as there as so many people around most of the time, that my chores are cut into half or cut out all together. And even if I do do something then just because I do it with someone else, it feels like it's easier...you get me? Oscars play needs are taken care by my 9 year old brother and his numerous friends who come over after school pretty much every day and there I am with just a bit more time to myself.

What do I do with my time? OK, like I said in my last post I kind of do nothing productive :D But I have found that I have my greatest ideas before I go to sleep. And sometimes between going to bed and falling asleep there is a good few hours of thinking time. Between my slight ocd and borderline bipolar personality that is sometimes overtaken by obsessive tendencies I just find that most of the time I am thinking about what to do. I think so much I'm so surprised I haven't come up with an original idea of what to do. It;s probably because I never write anything down the moment it hits me. And by the time I think about it again, the idea has changed or my mind has changed....it's all very tricky.

I've always known I am creative. Even though I was quite good at math and all the other subjects for that matter I never wanted to become someone realistic? logical? I cant find a word here. I might come up with one later during this post. The fact is I am most happy when I'm creating something or being creative. Weather its painting, writing, sewing, dancing....I guess I just need to find something that will make me use my creativity every day. And it will make me happy....as long as it will also make me a living :D But I also know that just being creative is not enough. I need an IDEA. An Idea that maybe someone has never come up with? Maybe someone has tried, but never really managed to pull off. But where to get that idea? How do people come up with brilliant ideas? weed?? Only joking :D

Different people get inspired by different things. I get inspired by original and talented people. But there is a fine line between getting inspired by those people and actually copying them...The last thing  I want to become is someone else. 

I want to become someone who works for herself or someone I look up to and find incredibly amazing. And I would love to be that person who wakes up and does somethingfor a living they enjoy and love. Rather than do something just for the sake of paying the bills. But I like the idea that I am the BOSS. And because I show/have no/or little emotions, which kind of either turns me or consequently makes me into a massive bitch at times I think I could get things done.

The stupid computer is just driving me completely insane at the moment. Leaving me no other option to just end this post now before I loose my fucking shit :) Also this post, reading back on it, kind of just feels like a massive rant about nothing really :D SO I will go and sleep and collect my sometimes completely idiotic thought and come back again soon....hopefully.

I mean if I'm not someone...it's a quitter...

xoxo

Meril

The Honest Truth Vol 1

Helloooo, everyone :)

Let me start off by saying I am a master at procrastination. I mean I can say I just do not have time to write or do anything with my life, but that would be a lie. Between Oscars day time nap and the few minutes in the evening after he goes to sleep, where I actually cope being a normal, functional human being, I must get at least two hours, where I could write and become the woman I wanted to be. But I don't do that. Instead I think about doing stuff for a minute then quickly pour myself a glass of wine and stuff my face with chocolate and pretend I know nothing of anything.

And then again, here I am, actually typing up some words I've been pondering over lately. This will be the most honest I've ever been over here at my bloggedy blog. This is really how I would always like to write. Honestly and openly about everything that goes on in my head....well not everything, that would be slightly disturbing at times :D But things that matter to me. 

What has stopped me before is the need to be liked. I would hate if someone would say something bad. I mean I still think it's me when I walk past someone and they laugh. It's a serious confidence issue. You might not notice it when you meet me or even when you think you know me. I don't come across as someone who is not confident. I don't like to show emotions(the real deep emotions that matter). Public displays of affection make me queasy. I really am just not comfortable with it at all...unless it's Oscar, I bloody love that boy just so much and I'm not afraid to show it. But in other aspects of life I just keep it to myself. 

Even with confrontation. I just keep it to myself. Don't get me wrong I nag about the little stuff, all the time. The dishes not being done, the rubbish left on the table, not having enough money, enough clothes, eating too much chocolate and drinking too much wine...you get the deal. But when it comes to things that matter in life I just bottle it up and keep it to myself. The most unhealthy habit of mine.

The second unhealthy habit of mine is swearing too much. I do it all the time. And I quite enjoy it. Weather it's out loud or in my head, but the swearing is really pretty constant. I'm ashamed to admit it, specifically because it's a fairly new habit of mine. Maybe it's my way of coping with all those bottled up emotions :D who knows really. 

The third unhealthy habit is actually health related. And to be honest, unless there is actual proof, you can't really know if it is unhealthy. I'm talking about my relationship with red wine. I just love drinking a glass of red in the evening once Oscar is asleep and watch disgustingly boring tv shows that have no meaning behind them or cooking shows ( I quite like cooking competition shows :D). 

Cooking shows bring me to the next thing I actually like about myself. I love feeding people. Not in a weird way as in spoon feeding them :D but I love cooking nice food and see people enjoy eating it. This is how I think I show I care....I'll give you nice food. Once that stops you'll know I don't give a shit anymore :D Or maybe I'm just momentarily angry at you. Don't read too much into it, Sometimes I might just forget to offer you food. But I am definitely a feeder, for sure, no doubt about it.

Now I am really deep into this honest rant I have lost interest in pouring my soul into this one post. 

If I tell you everything about me all at once you will never come back. So I'm going to leave now (I'm most probably going to go and pour myself a glass of red :D) and hopefully come back soon with some more honest truth :) 

Hope you liked the post about my 3 unhealthy habits and once thing I actually like :)

Come back soon for more, but really it would be really silly to keep coming back every day for a new post, because that ain't going to happen :D Instead why not follow me on Instagram as I will announce all my new posts there :) And also you will not miss any adorable pictures of Oscar if you do. It's just a crime not to be able to see his little happenings, as he is the cutest little toddler in the World :D (I totally biast at this opinion obviously :D hahaha....NOT)

BUT for now, 

Stay tuned, everyone :)

xoxo

Meril